by Louella M (Sober: September 19, 1959), Smithtown Serenity
My first group after I entered Alcoholics Anonymous was the Farmingdale Group. New to the program, I soon attached myself to the familiar comfort of the kitchen, where I felt washing the cups and ash trays after each meeting would keep me from having to talk to people. Without alcohol to lubricate my tongue I was incapable of maintaining a conversation. I spent my life listening in order to find out how I was expected to behave.
However an AA kitchen did not bring the isolation I had assumed. Just the opposite was the norm. The kitchen was the gathering place for talking. Members brought the heavy ceramic cups to the sink and stayed to dry and put them away after I washed them. Others emptied and stacked the ash trays and waited until the cups were done. Then the ash trays took their place in the soapy water. And the members busy all around me talked about their drinking, and about their sobriety, and about how they used the program to maintain and enhance sober lives. I was surrounded by people and learned to know all the group members as well as regular attendees from other groups. I was drawn into conversations; people began to know me. It became like a family gathering (although much more peaceful than my previous experience of family gatherings). I looked forward to my group meetings and to the post meeting time with my hands in the sink and new friends all around me. I began to gravitate to the kitchens of the neighboring groups I attended. I continued to learn more about the process of using the program in our lives.
At a business meeting one night someone suggested that glass cups washed in lukewarm water were not very sanitary and that we should change to paper cups! The argument that we had all drunk from worse was shot down with the reminder that now we were sober and should be more responsible. The argument that coffee tastes different in a paper cup elicited the comment that a paper cup might improve the taste of some AA coffee. (l had learned to use milk and sugar if the coffee was not that good, though I prefer black.) Not at our group, of course, but we were assured we would get used to it in no time. It took two months of discussion before the change was voted in. The ceramic mugs were stored in church cupboards for the last time. Set up for meetings now included stacks of paper cups and larger garbage cans to hold the residue. I still washed ash trays after meetings but far fewer people hung around in the kitchen. It was different. I was angry and talked about leaving the group. My sponsor pointed out that most of the other groups in the area were already using paper cups. He also pointed out that my reaction to any change was excessive, and I needed to look at the Steps to work on that. So we were stuck with paper cups for all time. The change didn’t cut down on my consumption of coflee, but it did make me look at my defects. I still don’t always welcome change, but I no longer blow up when it inevitably happens. I soon rotated to another job within the group. Being speaker exchange rep broadened my horizons. In those days we frequently exchanged speakers with groups in the New York City and New Jersey and Connecticut. Each away meeting was attended by a carload of people. Those hours in a car brought a new dimension to friendships as we shared even more of our lives. I was eventually tagged for positions in the newly developed Nassau lntergroup, and later in General Service on Long Island. I learned that being of service to my group, and to AA as a whole, was another part of giving away what I had been given. At every change in service job I gained more understanding of the simple genius of our God-given program.